This seemed like an appropriate theme and title for my new blog. With the latest discovery that I might have a modicum of writing talent I have been encouraged by the great Violet Lemay to start this adventure. So off we go. I hope you enjoy the ride. I suspect it will be a cross between a gnarly rollercoaster drop and the longest road trip in history. You be the judge. Either way, buckle up.
Let’s stick with the theme of sucking. I am told daily by my autistic son (12) that, “Mama Sucks” and I’m sure there is some truth to that. I’m supposed to suck. I’m your Mother. If he told me I was the greatest Mother in the world I would seriously have to reevaluate my parenting skills. So that said, I want to be clear that “I suck” by choice. It’s empowering, the sucking. Really, when you think about it, for a parent to suck in the eyes of a child we must wield the word “NO” with tremendous force. “Can I have, xyz?” “No.” “Mama, you suck.” “Can I do, xyz?” “No.” “MAMA SUCKS!!” “Yessss, yes I do.” So much satisfaction from speaking the “no.” The “Yes” is a weakness. A desperate grasp for a moments peace. All it does is open the flood gates to a rapid fire stream of soul anniahlating requests of “Can I do, Can I have?” Well, first off you little shit, it’s “May I?” and “No, you may not.” And yes, I know. “I suck.”
Good, now that we have established why I suck and the fact that it is a choice, lets move on to how my sucking affects my other children. The eldest (13) is the first to join-in with gleeful, clear and concise agreement as to the range of my “suckatude”. The youngest, 9 (who hides her horns masterfully in her well placed halo) will often come to my defense with cuddles, coos and kisses. “I love you, Mama” “I love you, too my sweetheart, but you’re not getting anything.” She won’t utter the words aloud, but I can see them flash across her wee, soulful eyes, “you suck.” AHA! A trifecta of perfect 10, Sucky McSucking perfection!
We all strive for greatness in our own ways. I am the proud, gold medal, Olympic standard of parental Suck-hood. A sucky, suck-faced, suckalicious, sucktatude of super-sucking GREATNESS!